To the parents of the rebellious, strong-willed kids, I see you.

Tonight as we told the kids it was time to get ready for bed, our house was utter mayhem, as usual. My 6 year old has a special talent for riling up any other kids in sight, making them all unruly little jerks. When I was finally about to blow a gasket, he decided that instead of getting his pajamas on, he needed to take a 20 minute dump. I was being pretty patient, giving him time to do his business, but for fucks sake kid, shit or get off the pot.

Finally, after approximately enough time had elapsed for the earth to orbit the sun, he got off the toilet, and I gently encouraged him to get his ass in his room and put on his pajamas. He started fucking around, completely naked, doing yoga poses (the crow pose is still his favorite) and watching himself in the mirror instead of getting his pajamas on. He then began complaining about how he really needed to pee, so would I move so he could get to the bathroom. My thoughts at this point went something like this: "Fuck that dude! You just sat on the toilet for 20 minutes and have been dicking around since you got in your room, the least you can do is put on your pajamas before you leave your room again." I told him a gentler version of that, but made clear that he needed to stop goofing off and put his pajamas on before he could vacate his room. He again, said he needed to pee. So I again, said if he has to pee so badly, then he should probably get on his GD pajamas more quickly. Apparently his instincts for self-preservation are terrible, because he looked me straight in the face and peed on the carpet in his bedroom. What. The. Actual. Fuck.

There's no lesson here. I'm still in awe of his chutzpah. Don't get me wrong, I was pissed (no pun intended) and immediately left the room to cool my rising temper. But after I walked away I also laughed really fucking hard at how ballsy that kid is. I'm trying to figure out the exact right consequence for the little jerk and also trying to determine how many years this kid is going to take off my life from the stress of dealing with his shit.

And FUCK, if this is six, how are we even going to make it to the teenage years, much less survive them...