Mountains of Privilege

Standard dinnertime scenario

Dinnertime at our house is a complete clusterfuck. It's a rare occasion that even one kid, much less three, sit and eat without causing a ruckus. There are kids bitching about who gets to sit where or what color plate is at their seat. Adults sternly telling them that yes, they have to at least taste the vegetables, and that no, they can't say they hate bibimbap if they can't even give a vague description of what it is. Meanwhile there are two huskies trying to sneak under the table to snatch dropped (thrown) food and growling when a kid inevitably kicks them. Add on top of that, young kids that NEVER STOP TALKING.

The other night at the dinner table, my 3 YO son (one of the twins) was being a total dickhead. He is in the (hopefully short) stage right now where he purposefully does shit to push everyone's buttons. He was calling everyone an “IDIOT” and laughing like a total lunatic about it. His twin sister was simultaneously talking about community helper day at preschool and how a police officer came to visit and talked to all of the kids. Her brother didn't skip a beat and started saying “COMMUNITY HELPERS ARE IDIOTS” and “POLICE OFFICERS ARE IDIOTS,” because, well, he was being a dickhead. We had almost reached that time of the evening where threats are made, kids get sent to their rooms (over and over again), plates of food get taken away leaving kids STARVING at bedtime, and my food gets fucking cold.

Out of nowhere, my 5 YO son interrupts this downward spiral of events and says, “Well, it’s true, some police officers are idiots.” I was totally taken aback. Generally speaking, I don't give a shit if my kids say "adult words" at home. They know they can't say them outside of the house and they're pretty good at abiding by that rule, so I'm not strict about it. What I am strict about, is calling a person any kind of derogatory name (which is why the 3 YO knew he'd piss me off by calling everyone an idiot). For some reason, the look on his face made me think twice before yelling at him. Instead of jumping to adult conclusions, I asked why he said that. This was his response:

“Well, way back, there were bad white police officers that were rude to black people. They were really rude and there was a lady that was riding a bus and some rude white man told her to get out of a seat, but she didn’t want to because she shouldn’t have to. So, then a bad white police officer came and E-rested her and took her to jail. But that wasn’t fair because she didn’t do anything wrong. So that police officer was an idiot.”

Now keep in mind, this is a five year old. And although he mispronounces the word “arrested” every time he says it, that was a pretty impressive turn of events at the dinner table. It was a proud moment. While his brother was being a total jackass and pushing everyone’s buttons, he was listening to the nonsense his brother was spewing and thinking critically about it. But here's the thing. That wouldn't have happened had we not regularly spent time reading books and having discussions about racism and discrimination and privilege.

Pages from the book Martin's Big Words The Life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. by Doreen Rappaport, which is in our regular rotation of books.

Uncomfortable topics are just that, uncomfortable. Finding a way to simplify topics to explain it to a child can seem daunting, especially because we as parents want to shelter them from the negative aspects of the world. But on the other hand, it’s SO MUCH EASIER to have these discussions now, when they are small. Explaining racism in simple terms to my 3 year olds, is so much easier than trying to explain the nuances to an older child after they have more of their own experiences. And growing up in a predominantly white suburb, their experiences aren't going to be representative of the world at large. Also, let's be real, it's total privileged bullshit that it's even a choice to talk about it, considering people of color are forced to have those discussions (and much scarier ones) with their children starting at a young age. 

My kids are privileged as hell. They're white, two out of three are boys, middle class, English-speaking, blond-haired, blue-eyed, mountains of privilege. It's imperative for them to grow up knowing what that means and how to leverage it for others. Our dinnertime fiasco the other night showed me that they are listening, we just need to keep the conversation going.